Keep the Candy out of the Classroom: On Yoga Fusion

Yoga fusion is becoming more prevalent on the American yoga scene. But what IS it? Simply, yoga fusion entails taking things that aren’t yoga and adding yoga to them in order to make something new in the name of yoga, from exercise to an everyday activity. Exactly why it’s popular is quite beyond me. As an anti-fusionist, I will always insist that yoga is so complete in and of itself as a well-being system that it needs no fusion with anything else, but precisely BECAUSE it's so complete and by nature all-encompassing and malleable, yoga gets easily blended with other things, usually to the demise of yoga, for by taking little bits here and then, we pick away and reduce.

To begin, I’ll just remind you, dear reader, that what is popular (in this case, yoga fusion) is not necessarily good. So in honor of that, I offer today commentary of some of the worst yoga fusion outfits I’ve seen so far. These are actual classes, DVDs, and events, often taking place at yoga studios.

Doga (Dog Yoga): First, dogs cannot do yoga. Humans do yoga. Dogs don’t CARE if humans do yoga. Yoga is a human invention meant to improve human life by encouraging the cultivation of poses that resemble things in nature like, say, dogs. But the posturing efforts need not be reversed. Dogs are WAY past the need for yoga, so why be a selfish dog owner and force your dog to be with you while you become a tree? He’d rather pee on a real tree than be one with YOUR tree.

Yoga Butt: According to urbandictionary.com, “A yoga butt means you also have yoga arms, yoga abs, yoga legs, etc. It is very sexy and it immediately turns eyes and makes people jealous or inspired.” Yoga Butt reduces yoga to a way of compartmentalizing our body parts and making us work so we get a ‘hot’ body others can worship AND despise. What better way is there to help solidify our poor body image tendencies, really? I can think of none.

Choga: (Chocolate and Yoga): I adore dark chocolate and know the high and lovey-dovey feelings my favorite sweet brings. But let’s keep the candy out of the classroom. Yoga offers equally wonderful feelings at a fraction of the calories, caffeine, and cost.

Boga (Tae-Bo Yoga): Kick someone’s butt, or imagine that you are. Then sit down and stretch it out, anger and muscles all. Then kick some more butt. End with contemplating world peace. Om. Slap. Om. Hwah??

Yollet (Yoga Ballet): Psssssssttttt: Confession time. I love ballet. This is MY kind of fusion if I had to pick one, but being against yoga fusion, I’d keep any blending of my yoga and ballet education to myself. Here’s why. The cross-over commonality between yoga and ballet is obviously flexibility and, to a degree, physical aesthetics. But it’s be a big thumbs down because the goal of bone-showing thinness rampant in ballet is ripe for endangering the goal of a body’s natural weight, espoused by and resulting from yoga practice. Besides, Yollet sounds like an open-air, alien-creature mode of transportation. Or a bad Jell-o recipe.

Yoga Spin (a.k.a. Namaste Cycle): Generally, this is the ever-popular ride of the frenzied on stationary bicycles in a low-lit, music-pumping, teacher-miked-and-screaming room followed by relaxing, gentle stretches. ‘Hop on, yoga. I’ll take you around this madhouse block on my bike!’ In this non-sensible fusion, yoga is reduced to triaging the damage the spinners are doing to their bodies and bringing the riders' wacked-out respiratory and nervous systems back to some sort of order. Lucky for the riders, I guess.

Yoga Happy Hour: What kind of fusion is THIS? Take a completely healthy thing like your body after yoga and add alcohol. This reminds me of a former boyfriend’s Christmas Morning Punch recipe: “Take fresh-squeezed orange juice, ginger, apple, and lemon and serve in an iced glass. Add vodka to suit your taste.” Yoga Happy Hour and my ex's disclaimer would read: “Dear yoga (or, holidays and family), I love you. But you’re just another reason for a nip or two. --The Booze Bringer.”

Yoga Booty Ballet: This clunky, three-way fusion reminds me of how some people make soup. Open the fridge, throw whatever you want into a pot, and hope it doesn’t suck. YBB, sadly, appeals to women’s vanities. The search for a tight this and a flat that, and, on the other hand, the desire to be expressive and (likely) ballet-thin, was the impetus for this Hollywood fusion embarrassment. Into the soup of ‘whatever it takes to make me gorgeous, dahling,’ we throw yoga. Bad, YBB.

Foga (Food and Yoga): Truly, a strange, new-ish fusion trend. The New York Times recently published an article about a U.S. studio where, after a sweaty class, students sat around and ate a multi-course meal. On their sweaty mats. Why? Because they are yogis. They are no one’s sissies. One student interviewed said she could REALLY taste her food; her senses were heightened. Fine, but Michael Symon would rather you bring your heightened sense of taste to his restaurants where food is normally eaten, and I’d rather NOT go to a yoga class where the person who rolls out her mat next to mine flicks crumbs, or scratches off dried sauce drippings with a fingernail.

Yoga fusion is American innovation at work. It’s also American consumerism at its worst, for yoga in America is still unabashedly about profit. I wish we’d try to keep yoga YOGA in the U.S., pure and simple and UNfused.

I dread to even think that one of humankind’s greatest tools for personal health and peace could eventually get fused to the point where in some dim future its original source--Yuj--is lost in a swirl of some kick-butt, dog-barking, Harry Buffalo-flavored chocolate fondue soup pas de deux danced with leg weights and spinning wheels. Yuk.

Ten Reasons Why You Should Take Yoga Classes Regularly

1. There’s a pretty good chance you want to get or stay healthy, and by now you must have heard that yoga helps. In yoga, your wishes can be your command, just like the guy on the beach who meets the genie in the bottle, for the first two wishes, at least. A little careful work and boom! (Good things come in small packages.)

2. For whatever reason, like so many others, you likely have a mat that’s not going anywhere fast. And likely it’s PVC, so you might as well wear it down until someone has created a way to safely recycle it or make it into something interesting like a boot mat or lead-free purse. Go to yoga class to get ideas.

3. When you’re holding yoga poses, you can bet you look pretty damned good if you have to say so yourself. Or, if you refuse to say that, say this: “At least I look interesting. Interesting is good.” Do you not want others to see that?

4. There’s a thing called the yoga zone. You get there best from going to yoga class and practicing with others. It’s also called the yoga buzz. ‘Nuf said.

5. As a very smart person, you ‘get’ this whole yoga thing. You prefer relaxation to non-stop struggle, and yoga classes end with this nifty moment called relaxation pose. Arrive okay, leave OM’d-out.

6. If you want to touch your nose to your toes, you’d better get started, like, yesterday. It’s a hell of a long journey no matter how you attempt the connection. Every good yoga class offers you the chance to reach for your toes, over and over again!

7. You kind of like the quirkiness of yoga teachers. They can be serious and silly, graceful and clumsy, nice and mean, and sometimes they throw impossible physical and philosophical curve balls at you ‘just cuz.’ “Screw ‘just cuz’ in all things except yoga!” could be a best-selling yoga t-shirt, you feel. You’ve come to expect quirky: now get out there and get it!

8. Some of the nicest people in yoga classes are single. Just sayin.’ In case that matters. Just sayin.’

9. You can’t get enough of that poetic and lyrical ancient language of yoga, Sanskrit. If you hear your teacher roll off one more ‘Prasarita Padottanasana’ as he’s walking by you, you think you might just melt.

10. You’re what people call a ‘people’s person.’ Yoga students tend to like themselves and other people. Yoga means unity. Get some.