A Cleanse to Remember

I am beginning my third day of a 14-day whole food de-tox and cleanse. This is the third annual autumn cleanse I have undertaken.

The first cleanse, a five-day juice extravaganza, bordered on the surreal, like a dream whose details we do not quite remember. My first cleanse ever, it was a radical choice, for going to the juicy side without so much as a half-day lead-in--I think I had meat AND wine AND chocolate the night before, la vita dopa!--asked more from me than I was able and willing to give.

Cleanses are like relationships. Once you're in one, you'd kind of like to see it through to its happy ending. You and the cleanse both deserve it.

The second cleanse was so much more interesting than the first because by now I was used to hunger, and I was permitted to eat solid foods in the second week. My second cleanse was a kit I purchased containing whey protein, bioactive supplements, and beet powder with instructions about which of them to eat at what time of day in juice or smoothie form, adding to my diet as much vegetable and fruit juice as I wanted, or raw or steamed non-starch vegetables or fruit, with an emphasis on green, raw vegetables. By the second week I could add brown rice and lentils only if I were really hungry.

Lentils. Now we were talking.

Sort of. This second cleanse was like a chick flick. I loved it, I felt it, I laughed and cried throughout. And, to the credit of naysayers of chick flicks everywhere, it felt canned. When it was over, it was over, and I went back to my comparatively unglamorous non-cleanse life, quickly picking up on my old eating habits without the mental awareness and discipline to drop them and take up the new. It’s like the time my best friend said, “Ack. Why are you dating HIM? Can’t you see THIS GUY’S so much better?” I think she was even pointing to a group photograph of us all, but did the visual help even? Nope.

And now. Cleanse #3. Much better. So much better. For one, I hired a coach. Lightbulb goes off: professionals are paid for a reason! They know stuff! Second, she provided a regimen she designed just for me based on her knowledge gained about me from many conversations and several questionnaires. My daily regimen includes Taoist herb tea, pranayama, asana, meditation, NO tv/news/evening computer use, and….ta-da-…ta-da…ta-da…food. Whole food. Sure we juice. Sure we eat raw. Sure there are so many veggies in the menus it takes a ton of cleaning, chopping, and peeling. But on this cleanse, ladies and gentlemen, I eat grains. Warm potatoes. Beans. Nut milk. Honey sparingly.

Honey sparingly. That’s fun to say.

I do think I am in love. I think me and this, me and this, me and this cleanse, we got a thing going on. Stay tuned for the reviews.